The irony of it all

It is inevitable (especially for some people) to picture how things will happen to them, project in their own minds a film of their own life. From minor events, such as a tooth extraction maybe, to major life changing experiences, such as falling in love. This last one in particular seems to always take on Big Bang proportions that rarely correspond to reality.

Take any couple as an example. Ask them their story – how did they meet, what was the approach, what did they talk about, what were they wearing, what happened after that and even how their life was before they met. With the exception of Hollywood drama queens and maybe a few lucky mortals, the story will generally be a variation of "met by chance, chatted for a while, got to know each other, grew to like each other and decided to be together". Yes, maybe life improved after the meeting, but, most probably, because now there was someone to share life with, and this by itself is worth the trouble.

Now, for the foreseers in this world, falling in love happens on a whole new level – or at least is expected to happen. There is much to talk about on expectations, but let’s focus on this particular one – how, when, who and why will love happen for any of us?

There is a huge trap that surrounds us every day and in which we tend to even want to fall – propaganda. No news here – propaganda is made to sell. We buy chocolate for Valentine’s; clothes for Christmas; flowers for Mothers; shoes for fathers; champagne for New Year’s; and the list goes on. We buy, buy, and buy, because we believe we need it. That belief is solidified in our brains by sellers and story makers (not without our permission, of course). But the point is – we search for satisfaction (happiness?) in things, facts and people, all of them originating outside of ourselves. Can anyone hear the big, red alert saying "WARNING! STOP BEFORE YOU FRUSTRATE YOURSELF!"?

Well, falling in love fits like a glove into that description. Maybe it’s because falling in love always seems so wonderful, so refreshing and relieving. Wow… Someone has fallen in love with me, life is now complete and I can move on towards the end of it, rejoiced and victorious. And, just for fun, let’s picture how this could take place…

Scenario 1: At first sight
They had never laid eyes upon each other, never had the chance or purpose for talking to each other. One beautiful and blessed day, at the [generic place here], they lift up their eyes from whatever they’re doing and casually meet. There is no explanation for how that chemistry works, and no holding it back either. Somehow, someway, they will end up talking to each other and discovering they loved each other even before they met.

Scenario 2: Holding it back
They’ve known each other for some time, always meeting on casual, non-exciting moments for non-exciting events. This could be work, doctors’ appointments (could happen!), school, college, swim class, the hair stylist (uh, maybe not), neighbors’ meetings, etc. There was some affinity, but never a moment alone, never a spark. One beautiful and blessed day, one of them decides to let it all out. Forget the place, the time, the people around – what matters is unloading that weight, sharing that emotion that is building up. In a swift but gentle maneuver, they’re now in each other’s arms, making up for wasted time.

Scenario 3: Realization
Maybe they’ve known each other forever, maybe only for a few hours. Nothing seems to be different when (right!) one beautiful and blessed day, it dawns upon them that, hey, that’s love they’re feeling and, yes, it might as well be taken a step further and fully enjoyed! Life is now complete, how didn’t they think of this before?

Well, these are only a few scenarios for falling in love, but notice how each one has a Big Bang moment? There’s fireworks and butterflies, there’s deep and strong feelings that drive people to act and go beyond their point of reference. It’s intense!

Intensity makes us feel alive. Falling in love with intensity not only makes a good story for the years to come, but it also turns the process into something special and unique. It makes that couple feel like no other couple has ever experienced the sensations they have, of finding each other and defeating every challenge to be together.

Thing is – this is Hollywood (or Bollywood). Most of the times, love takes time and takes its time. Declarations are risky and, if we desire intensity, we reject risk just as strongly, especially when stakes are so high.

If the world is a reflection of ourselves, love will never come to us that strong if it never comes from us that strong. It’s the capacity to be alone in order to find someone to share life with.